May 2020 26



For those of you curious, here’s an update on my dad, Bert. The 91 year old going on 18.

He was taken to hospital via ambulance in the wee hours one morning last week. Shortness of breath. Yes, concerning since COVID has been going through his Seniors Building (not long-term care). However, seems like he just needed a meds adjustment.


Here’s how my phone call with him the day after went…


ME: (answering) So, I hear you’re not dead.

BERT: Nope! Not as of yet.

ME: How are you feeling today?

BERT: Well, I think it’s just allergies. My nose is so irritated and red. I asked the Health Care Services if they had any moisturizer.

ME: How’d that go?

BERT: A Nurse brought up a tube of personal lubricant. So I read the tube just so I knew what it was before I used it. It said ‘Waterbased. Good for personal lubrication and moisturizing.’

ME: That’s nice someone brought it up.

BERT: Ya. So I kept reading. It said ‘Including vaginal dryness’. So I read that out and smiled and said to her ‘Vaginal dryness. It looks like we can use this for other things…’

ME: You didn’t.

BERT: Ya, why not.

ME: How’d that go?

BERT: Oh, just laughs.


Best laugh I’ve had in ages.

So he’s fine, everyone.

And still a lucky asshole.




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