Confused about own time zone, Newfoundland rings in New Year <br>at 2:30 in the afternoon
Dec 2011 31

Fuji Tamale Breaking News, St. John’s



Mayor urges Councillors to rest up, return ready to ruin city with fresh eyes in 2012
Dec 2011 29

Fuji Tamale News, Toronto

In his end of year address, Rob Ford looked to the future rather than reflecting on the past. “We’ve got a lot more to do,” said the Mayor on his ambitious goals. “For instance, public transit, parks and city services are in way better shape than I expected after a year of me in office.”

After a 2011 filled with controversy and very little results in finding the “rampant frivolous spending” at City Hall as he promised, Ford is hoping for a smoother coming year and more support from City Councillors. In closing, when asked about his focus for the next 12 months, the Mayor hinted at an exciting new Gravy Bike Spending Streetcar Reading-is-Bad Ferris Wheel Plan that he’ll unveil to Council in January.


PHOTO: Matthew Sherwood, National Post
Santa to rub one out this aft just<br>to get rid of the pre-flight jitters
Dec 2011 24

Fuji Tamale Breaking News, North Pole



IMAGE: © Copyright Rankin/Bass 1964

Ghost of Christmas Future advises to<br> “just get her the goddamn necklace”
Dec 2011 20

Fuji Tamale News, Toronto

All James Switzer of Scarborough was expecting out of his visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future was a subtle warning to be a better person. Instead he got invaluable advice about his bat shit crazy girlfriend.

In a stunning and kindly about-face of character, the famous Dickens literary spirit told Switzer how he could avoid a major relationship problem down the road. “Hey, I remember how my old lady would get at this time of year,” said the all-seeing ghost. “Figure I’d help a brother out. From getting stabbed.”

The Canadian Press <br>‘Most Infamous Quote of 2011’
Dec 2011 16

Since writing this, the Huffington Post has run a story on how the Canadian Press maybe should’ve checked the legitimacy of their source. And Don Cherry has commented as well, rightly stating that he never, in fact, said this. Although more and more Canadians appear to be using Fuji Tamale News as a reliable, credible news source, we have always stated that it is indeed “Fake news that’s been making people say ‘Um, I don’t get it’ since 2011”.

Oops. The Canadian Press cited something reported in Fuji Tamale News on Oct 28, 2011 and picked it up as #1 on the ‘Most Infamous Quotes of 2011’ list:

This just proves what a nation of pussies we are.
– Don Cherry on news that Canada’s murder rate is at its lowest since the 1960s.

EDIT: Here’s the original way the Globe and Mail ran it.

The problem is, of course, Don Cherry didn’t say it.

Although Mr. Cherry has said some things that people have found interesting, offensive, or just plain wrong — like I believed him when he said the Leafs could make the playoffs last year — he did not say this.

Satire. Made up. Call-9-1-1-cause-someone-is-in-my-driveway-with-a-camera-and-microphone type stuff.

Fuji Tamale News is, as noted on this website, “meant to be satirical, although we can’t guarantee you’ll actually find any of the content funny.”

And yes Rick Mercer, I am available for freelance work.


Thanks to Kate at for alerting me to all the hullabaloo.

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