Doug Ford reaches low Earth orbit while showing off renowned kick boxing move
Mar 2012 12

Fuji Tamale News, Toronto

“It was breathtaking,” said one witness about watching the Toronto City Councillor power himself into the sky. “Like watching the space shuttle,” said another.

Stunning everyone other than his brother Mayor Rob Ford, Toronto City Councillor Doug Ford launched himself into low Earth orbit on Sunday afternoon using a powerful spin kick move. The impressive display took place on the roof of the CFRB building at 2 St. Clair West, where the Ford brothers had just finished their weekly radio show. During the broadcast Doug had recounted an altercation with a Toronto bike courier, claiming he could “kick his ass in about ten seconds” due to the fact that he has been a kick boxer for about 10 years.

Eager to prove his on-air claim, Doug Ford gathered the CFRB staff on the roof. The Councillor then cautioned everyone to stand back, after which he proceeded to execute a spin kick move so powerful that he launched himself, helicopter-style, into the air.

The small crowd claims he disappeared into the sky at approximately 3:35 pm EST.



Couple reaches agreement on York St. to Gardiner to DVP route
Mar 2012 02

Fuji Tamale News, Toronto

Avoiding another expensive couples counselling session, Dwayne and Dana Jones of Ajax actually agreed on their route to navigate rush hour today. The couple who commute to and from their jobs in downtown Toronto have been teetering on ‘maybe possibly separating’ for months and Canada’s worst gridlock hasn’t helped the tension. Although Dana feels that counselling sessions have been helpful, Dwayne has privately expressed his desire to not spend more money on ‘that bitch that always takes her side’.

The consensus bodes well for the upcoming weekend activity of assembling a crib together.


Kids not born yet already bored with 2017 Ontario Place reopening
Feb 2012 03

Fuji Tamale Breaking News, Toronto



Dick Clark mistakenly thawed<br>for Chinese New Year celebration
Jan 2012 24

Fuji Tamale Breaking News, NYC



Local man’s New Year’s resolution to continue to be lazy slob going well so far
Jan 2012 17

Fuji Tamale Breaking News, Toronto



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