High Schooler wastes his ‘getting to 3rd base this summer’ story on very first day of school
Sep 2011 06

FujiTamale News, Toronto

In a brazen and stunning move that he regrets now, 13 year-old Casey Johnson wasted no time in telling his friends about his greatest almost-sexual conquest of the summer. “It was ill-timed,” says the grade 10 North Albion Collegiate student of his first day, 9:08 am recounting of his steamy summer liason. “Homeroom attendance hadn’t even been called yet and I told the best story I’ll have all year. Where do I go from here?”

In the excitement of new teachers, subjects and the unexpected development of Melanie Proulx’s breasts over the summer, friends of Johnson quickly forgot his story about some chick named Beth or Brandy or something like that and being at the beach or was it camp or something and anyhow blah blah blah something mama’s boy.

It’s just not summer without CNE Midway death, says outraged public
Aug 2011 30

FujiTamale News, Toronto

With a mere week to go for the event marking the unofficial end of summer, there has yet to be a single reported accident on the midway at the Canadian National Exhibition. And the people want answers. “We want our horrible story of an innocent kid being hurt, or else” said one man who vowed to stay away from the fair until it happens. “It’s like going to Centre Island at least once every summer” said another woman. “It’s tradition.”

In an effort to bolster lagging attendance, the CNE issued this press release that says “Although we have been much more strict with the safety precautions in recent years, we want to assure the public that with a week to go, there is still the possibility of an incident happening which could result in injury or death to one or many of our loyal patrons.”

Although the final week’s events include the International Air Show, daily Human Cannonball show, and pizza dough tossing for kids held every hour, the fair is running out of chances to satisfy the public.

The 133rd year of the Canadian National Exhibition runs until Labor Day at the CNE grounds in Toronto.

‘American Pie’, the lipdub
Aug 2011 29

What can you say about this video other than ‘amazing’?

The town of Grand Rapids Michigan sets a world record for participants, with their lipsync dub of Don McLean’s ‘American Pie’. Apparently it was in response to a story that the city, with Michigan’s tough economic times, was ‘dying’.

Roger Ebert called it the greatest music video ever made. Hard to argue. It’s even kind of moving.

Cast of ‘Lost’ celebrates Hurricane Irene knocking series finale to 2nd place on ‘Most Overhyped Event of the Millenium’ list.
Aug 2011 29

FujiTamale Breaking News, Toronto



Jack Layton (1950 – 2011)
Aug 2011 22

Whether you supported his political ideals or not, it’s a sad day for Canada with the news of Jack Layton’s death this morning. He certainly brought a passion to Canadian politics that we hadn’t seen in recent years and you had to admire his conviction. Jack certainly had a way of making you believe. Not just in what he stood for if you were an NDP supporter, but truly make everyone believe that his public persona was also the private one. We BELIEVED him. The man.

And it was this genuine quality about him that got me working for him as a member of the team that produced the advertising for the NDP’s federal campaign this past spring.

Frankly, at first, I didn’t want to do it.

In my career as a copywriter, I’ve worked on a lot of products that didn’t live up their hype. That’s part of the game. We present the product as we’d like it to be perceived. Not as it really is. At first I expected Jack would be one of these products.

And what truly changed it for me was one afternoon in Ottawa.

I was sent to the NDP HQ to present scripts that we eventually ended up producing for the federal election. As part of my day in Ottawa, I was invited to Question Period to sit in the NDP area of the gallery. It was right in the middle of the Bev Oda scandal where she had been caught for allegedly tampering with a document and cutting off funding for a group.

I had never been to Question Period before and hadn’t really watched it on TV other than the snippets you see on the news. I was warned that a lot of it was just backbench MPs hoping to say something that would end up as a sound bite on TV to build their profile, or the leaders spewing rhetoric to attack each other. But it was riveting. I walked in and felt the energy of the room and I was hooked. The Conservatives taking up almost a whole side of the room and the Liberals, NDP and Bloc sitting across from them. It was a good old-fashioned free for all argument.

As I listened to everyone speak – Bob Rae, John Baird, Michael Ignatieff and even Stephane Dion – I kept watching Jack. It was the first day he was on crutches, which were leaning against the back wall of the house. He was rather silent and just taking notes, watching everyone and listening. Maybe he wouldn’t speak today. Maybe he was going to be New Coke afterall. Lots of hype but lunchbag letdown. I had just presented a bunch of scripts to help the guy become Prime Minister and he was just sitting there.

And then he got up and spoke and the room changed. I changed. The way he spoke was different than everyone else. He meant what he was saying. He believed in his words. He wasn’t just towing the party line and regurgitating what everyone else had said. Good god, this man actually believed what he was saying. Whether I agreed with his words or not, I knew he was genuine. This was a product I could believe in. This was a person I could believe in.

We’ll never know what kind of Official Leader of the Opposition Jack would’ve been. But I do know that whatever stance he took on an issue, you’d know he wasn’t lying to you. Whether you agreed with him or not, this was a man who was sincere in his beliefs. He definitely was not New Coke.

Jack, thanks for making me believe.


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